so lately ive been thinking, most things seems to come back to people, positive and negitive. its actually make me look at everyone in my life (from school) and think, they dont like me, this person is just using me and things like that so i thought i would share just incase your having the smae thing happen to you because its horrible when you think someone is like your friend and they do something despicable.
Now im not really part of a friendship group because one of them has about 4 or 5 girls and at recess and lunch, im the one who will try and say something and get talked over and nobody ever really cares or pays attention too or sticks up for. then im kinda part of another group but their is 3 of them and one of them is so annoying, then the other two are nice but i can tell im an outsider. i have one other friend but she is in the popular group and i dont really get accepted or like those crowds.
So basically heres a story for you, i found out this and i was in-front of the girl and she didnt even care. they were talking about her birthday about how they would have loved to sleepover but the understand they cant, i wasnt invited to sleep over, and the girl didnt even care about me, so i thought she was a friend and liked me and i also felt kinda hurt because everyone else their was invited except me and i was a bit like whoa just ok. then im also getting left out of group things. this is horrible to go through because i think their is something wrong with me, like and it makes me even more insucure and second guessing myself. now i really want a boyfriend (and of-course my crush or edward cullen) so i like have someone i know i can count on, but i mean thats never gonna happen. its just i feel so out of place and im over thinking everything too much, and i really dont want it to happen to any of you. if you haven't been through this, then the feeling is like a bit of an empty feeling, like you dont feel anything because after a while, you expect these things to happen because ive been having friendship problems since prep, so this is my 8 year (im in year 7) and its just a bit like oh ok, thanks, and i belive in guardian angles and kinda god, but its a bit like why arent they helping me is this because of something i did like why. i dunno because than they think im a push over so they do things but i want their approvel so i let them push me over. i just wish i could get peoples approval without trying and people would acceot me because the start of high school was great but now, its shit and i still have so many years to go and like i said i really like this guy (not as much as
edward Cullen) and then people i thought where friends just i feel alone. but when i get home i have you guys and its amazing and its perfect, its like once i get off the bus everything changes because at home everythings great but school just transports everything. also im confused because who actually likes me and who is faking and also its always point out Emmas flaws and lets pick on Emma, ok here we go heres another story for you. last term we were in class and i was sitting next to my friend and when everyone goes through puberty they have hair grow on their upper lip so my friend noticed and decided to yell out in-front of the whole class 'Emma has a... then i got so annoyed, like i have never used that tone before and im just like dont saying my friends name going dont, then she said quitely moustach. i have brown hair so it was kinda noticable and then i used some cream to get rid of it over the holidays but if it was any other girl their i knew she wouldnt have done it. and they always say emma look on they bright side and why are you depresed, and its like why do you think, somedays you make my life a living hell and im sick of it so yeah no wonder im not looking on the bright side it just god so annoying.
I am so sorry for this post, but i thought i would share it so now or in the future if your going through the same thing you can come back to this post because its a shit feeling. you all are amazing and worth it. my instagram, twitter or e-mail is always open to have a chat, always because your not the only one and if you need to let off some steam come to me. i love you all a lot and you really dont understand how much you mean to me and how much i love every single one of you. until next time bye, love you
ps- sorry for this post, dont worry about me i just have to find some friends but i will and like i said this just seems to happen at school so that leaves all my good side for you guys and if you did read the post thank you and i really just want to be as true with you guys as i can.